A friend sent me this blog and I read it, grimacing. It's one of those pieces of writing where as you read it, you realize it's so true that it hurts... and the more you read it the more you want to stop... but like a car accident on the freeway, you have to see what happens next.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/12/this-is-how-we-date-now/
So then I started thinking... am I just too picky? Am I trying to trade up? Am I always looking for the next best thing? Am I eyeing the entree at the table over from mine after they have brought me my steak? I'm gonna have to happily disagree on that one. In my case, I know my own battle wounds and what has gotten me to the point I am at, 37 and single. I think there is still hope for me and I haven't yet become lost in a sea of technological buffet dating. I mostly just like the amusement of many online "app"etizers while I wait for the opportunity to meet someone in real life, at, say, a charity event or the cafeteria of Queens Medical Hospital, or maybe that friend-of-a-friend situation (you know, your hot and single PhD-type bestie from college that just moved here).
I live in a world of married-off friends that flash their engagement announcements and baby photos all over facebook. I am from a family of three kids where I am the solo one, the one that my parents thought would have a promising future with 2.1 children, a dog and a white picket fence. Instead I have a rabbit and a studio apartment in Honolulu, with vintage teak furniture and formica countertops that are Harvest Gold. On the weekends I don't have a soccer game to get my kid to at 7am, I coach roller derby practice at 9... and I drive a moped instead of a minivan. There is a lot of acceptance to my situation. Not settling, not complaining, but not gloating. Singledom is not about gloating. Singledom is not really that fun, kids.
There is a lot of loneliness that married people think is a luxury; there are countless nights where I come home and lie in bed watching the sun set alone, curled up with a body pillow. I cook for myself, or not at all, or I eat a bowl of cereal for dinner because... no one will know. If I don't clean my apartment for 2 months no one notices. If I don't shower for 2 weeks, only I can tell. It's that non-existence thing single people struggle with that really makes it hard--I could die in my apartment and it would probably take a week before my work would even call the police (being single often makes you feel like you could easily just not exist, and no one would notice). Of course you have friends, and family, and they love you, and they check on you (sometimes), but not every day like a companion does. This is why humans aren't meant to be solitary. We are social creatures. The longer we live solitary existences, the more depressed we become. Companions help us realize our fullest potential and give meaning to the nuances of daily life.
Of course we can find meaning without someone, too, but it is a richer, more valuable life when it is shared. Holidays are an especially hard time to be single... so if you have a single friend, give them a hug and extend an invite for one of your festivities.
Trust me... they'll be grateful.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/12/this-is-how-we-date-now/
So then I started thinking... am I just too picky? Am I trying to trade up? Am I always looking for the next best thing? Am I eyeing the entree at the table over from mine after they have brought me my steak? I'm gonna have to happily disagree on that one. In my case, I know my own battle wounds and what has gotten me to the point I am at, 37 and single. I think there is still hope for me and I haven't yet become lost in a sea of technological buffet dating. I mostly just like the amusement of many online "app"etizers while I wait for the opportunity to meet someone in real life, at, say, a charity event or the cafeteria of Queens Medical Hospital, or maybe that friend-of-a-friend situation (you know, your hot and single PhD-type bestie from college that just moved here).
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| Henry Cavill look-alike? Anyone? |
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| How about someone who resembles Christopher Reeves in this role? |
I live in a world of married-off friends that flash their engagement announcements and baby photos all over facebook. I am from a family of three kids where I am the solo one, the one that my parents thought would have a promising future with 2.1 children, a dog and a white picket fence. Instead I have a rabbit and a studio apartment in Honolulu, with vintage teak furniture and formica countertops that are Harvest Gold. On the weekends I don't have a soccer game to get my kid to at 7am, I coach roller derby practice at 9... and I drive a moped instead of a minivan. There is a lot of acceptance to my situation. Not settling, not complaining, but not gloating. Singledom is not about gloating. Singledom is not really that fun, kids.
There is a lot of loneliness that married people think is a luxury; there are countless nights where I come home and lie in bed watching the sun set alone, curled up with a body pillow. I cook for myself, or not at all, or I eat a bowl of cereal for dinner because... no one will know. If I don't clean my apartment for 2 months no one notices. If I don't shower for 2 weeks, only I can tell. It's that non-existence thing single people struggle with that really makes it hard--I could die in my apartment and it would probably take a week before my work would even call the police (being single often makes you feel like you could easily just not exist, and no one would notice). Of course you have friends, and family, and they love you, and they check on you (sometimes), but not every day like a companion does. This is why humans aren't meant to be solitary. We are social creatures. The longer we live solitary existences, the more depressed we become. Companions help us realize our fullest potential and give meaning to the nuances of daily life.
Of course we can find meaning without someone, too, but it is a richer, more valuable life when it is shared. Holidays are an especially hard time to be single... so if you have a single friend, give them a hug and extend an invite for one of your festivities.
Trust me... they'll be grateful.
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