Peggasaurus

Although I do believe it's good to be able to voice your preferences, I also think it wise to refrain from giving too much information away before you've actually met someone. Especially if you are sending an email for the first time. It's also possible that this isn't the sort of mystery girls like to discover further down the road, so maybe he's in the right to ask straight up?

Eye Surgery DATE

Outfit: fresh from work. Brown slacks with a polka dot top that made me feel a little chubby :(
wedge heels and a camouflage backpack.

Date: pau hana drink

Result: Okay...so I was warned, but I totally spaced it. He got PRK eye surgery a few days ago and was in recovery. He really wanted to meet me, though, and I was free after work. So I caught a bus to a breezy outdoor bar in restaurant row about 10 mins away, no big deal. He was nice but dorky and had a huge lisp. He wore sunglasses the whole date because his eyes were really sensitive. During the date he got five phone calls, all of which he answered because he was planning a dinner party with his parents and a bunch of friends, all of which would have been great to know about beforehand so that I could anticipate a 1-hr time period. He eventually slammed a third beer, paid the tab (at least!), and said he wanted me to come back out in an hour.

I had some moments of reflection while he answered his five phone calls. He was attentive to me in an absent sort of way, toying with a loose drawstring on my side pants pocket, noticing a shiny button on the front of my blouse, replacing a rampant strand of my hair, playing with the buddha ring on my finger. It was romantic in a sweet sense and made me realize that I hadn't been touched or noticed in that way for over 5 years. It gave me a sense of comfort and also one of melancholy. I deserve to feel admired. Why could even a stranger nonchalantly manage to make me feel tended to during a phone conversation, yet for 5 years I was barely able to hold hands with my last ex in public? I felt a bit of shame about that thought and also a warm feeling of joy to be experiencing it again. It was a memory of relationships past that I missed terribly.

But who does that, goes home to eat dinner with parents and then plans a second run of a date?! I can't possibly compete with mom's homemade cooking. I think that this "date" was poorly planned, but I might be willing for him to make it up to me. Then again, maybe I give guys too many chances and I should just shut the door on this one. Tricky.

Note to men everywhere: 

DO NOT PLAN A DATE THE SAME TIME YOU HOST A DINNER PARTY, AND NOT INVITE THE DATE.

Terrible.

Slimeballs come in all varieties, I'm learning.

Soulmate!

Almost 100% sure I'm supposed to meet this guy. Hopefully he responds "yes" so I can send a manic email confirming this!

The Non-Looker

Oh, he's "not looking," sorry. Even though he just looked at my profile.

Festive

Do you love Christmas? Cuz this guy LOVES Christmas.

Deep Thinker

Party on.

Boar Boy, Fresh Kill. Viewer Discretion

Because nothing says "hot" like a fresh kill. This is why you're single, Boar Boy.

Pool Boy?

There's a story in here somewhere...

Oh, the Typos. Oh, the Grammar.

I tried...but how much bad grammar and typos can exist in a single paragraph? Messaging this guy repeatedly will make me angry.

Majik Myk: Stupid Question day

Real question is...would he?

That Awkward Moment When...

That awkward moment when one of the guys you went on a date with realizes he is also talking to your VERY GOOD FRIEND on the same dating site. Hahahahahahaha

Easter Novio

Laundry Pin Up Boy

Is anyone else thinking "Mr. Lifto?"

Star Wars fan

Points for creativity and Star Wars quotes in his profile.

Harp Stud

Yes, you're seeing this correctly. He is playing a harp, during sunset, on the top of a mountain. It's real.

Wholesome, Athletic Young Man

What a wholesome young man! It's nice to be appreciated for my looks and personality.

He is definitely "looking for a relationship," not just a hookup, right? Cuz that's his only photo. Maybe I should message him?

My parents want me to find a nice religious boy

He seems really confident

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Definitely real.

Yeah. Nuff said.

Majik Myk responds

BONUS!!!

I will admit to being slightly disappointed in the mundaneness of some of his responses, but I am still slightly enchanted by his long, blonde locks and bow tie. I will consider to work towards CHEM 211 because I'm a good student.

Majik Myk: Interrogation of my own

I got impatient, not having heard from him for a day. A friend suggested I ask my own questions. Great idea.

Majik Myk: Question # 4

Majik Myk: Question #3

Dirty Shaka

Lazy? Nah. He's putting in extra effort by attempting a Shaka. Never mind that he hasn't washed his hands IN YEARS

NO TRANNYS

See, he just doesn't understand why no one replies to his messages...or does he? He said it himself...his pic looks mean...actually it looks quite a bit like a mugshot. That's a great excuse to CHANGE YOUR PHOTO. Also, you may want to remove "NO TRANSSEXUALS" from your headline. I wish I had time to help him out, but NOPE.

Animal Attraction

So many tigers. At least they're not dead!