To Get Over An Old Relationship, Think Like A "Bro"

I read this Elephant Journal Article and had one of those rare epiphanies upon reading it where I realized I had been doing it wrong for years and years. Crying and wallowing in my apartment or on my girlfriend's shoulder eventually helps me move forward, but these exes of mine... they seem to move on so quickly from me after we split, and it is a combination of insulting and awe inspiring! How the heck do they do it?! Either I am a total softie with a big, juicy, stupid, achy breaky heart and they are made of steel and sawdust, or they have secret powers and potions I don't know about. 

This article has FINALLY helped me to understand, though (outside of some of them just being douchebags. I will still make sure it's known a few broke rule #1). I need to think like a "bro" here (if you ARE a bro following along on this blog or are trans or non-gender and are just looking for some damn advice on a tough subject and are struggling with a breakup, trust that you need to channel your inner dude side for this one...the logically driven workhorse that wants to win wars and conquer all the things. There is a war within us all, after all, and it's time to fight. Every war needs a battle plan). I've been undervaluing basics. Here is an excerpt from the article that nails it on the head:

Masculine energy is rooted in strength. It’s the goal oriented, focused energy that creates independence, self-confidence and accomplishment. It’s the energy behind drive, goal setting and not giving up until you’ve ‘won.’

Let’s look at an example:

When a man decides to get in shape, he might quite literally get out a notebook, separate the page into seven columns and track each workout throughout the week.

If you have plans with him, he’ll make sure to squeeze in a workout before your date. If you ask him to do something earlier that interferes with his workout, he may very well say no.

He’s taking care of himself then. And he’s not going to let you (or anything else) interfere. He’s focused, determined, and driven to succeed at his goal. His mind is made up…Period. End of story.

So going back to my daily life because this is my blog about dating and I do what I like, I need to look at each post-breakup as a time to ATTACK with goal-oriented, focused plan. Like when I have a huge presentation at the end of the month, or I'm helping to organize a derby tournament for 60+ skaters and need to make sure it's fully staffed with NSOs and Refs and--oh, yes--skaters, or I'm the Captain of my State Team going to a National Tournament for the first time ever in all of time. When shit comes up like that for me, I cancel other plans after my work day to deal with the exorbitant amount of responsibility and organization, not to mention the mental space that I need to prepare myself for the incredible undertaking. Why should I think it would be any different when my life is rearranged by a crushing heartbreak? Geeze. I am truly a masochist. I shouldn't think for a second I can handle that along with all of the other normalcies that I was doing prior. I need a serious time out to handle things.

Basically what this article is saying to me, kids, is instead of trying to go about my daily life like it didn't happen and then crumbling into a heap on my bathroom floor every night or as soon as I finally allow myself to go home exhausted, and instead of letting my anxieties throughout life eat away at my innards like battery acid, I should take care of myself and do things to pump up my ego. This goes way beyond breakups. This goes straight into survival skills.

Take some mental health days. Get a massage. Go to therapy and go work out and go do some fucking yoga. Cook a quiche, because I like to cook quiche and those bastards never deserved my cooking, anyways. You get the point. I think it of course makes sense, but I've never actually made a survival plan like this. Did I say survival plan? I meant BATTLE PLAN. Yeah. I can do a better job of battling. Why, yes, I can.

I took the advice of the article and had witchy sort-of seance in my living room just now, where I wrote on a little scrap of paper that I was "liberating my heart." It surely can't hurt. It's about time that thing gets out of jail, man. 

You're Free!! Make a run for it!